DMV Blues

I had a lovely and delightful visit to the local DMV office to update my drivers license. How in this world of high technology and streamlined processing capability can this f****** place still exist? If you tried to in your wildest demented dreams to come up with a system that is slower, less logical and more likely to induce maniacal rage you could not top this place. I have done more than my share of time in these offices lately, I worked in California last winter and was required by my employer to obtain a CA license. I did this in Suasanville CA at a small office that wasn't too bad considering I had to take five tests to get my commercial drivers license with tanker, air brake and hazmat endorsements. I didn't drive truck but as the manager I had to hold all these licesnses so I killed the better part of day getting it done. The office wasn't too crowded and their was a nice picture of Arnold the Terminator hanging on the wall. But soon after that I left CA and the job and needed to get back my Idaho license, so one otherwise fine summer morning I dropped in at the Coeur d'Alene offiice to see what I needed to do. Well the first thing you do is look at a bunch of sorry assed people who all turn in unison and glare at you when you walk in the door, bad sign. Next step is to take a number, a really bad sign. My number was 002, after five minutes they called number 81, I quickly was able to figure that the numbers started back over at 100 and I was a long freaking way from being called. And there were 2 guys working the desk, 2 I said 2 that's right 2. Six computers there but 2 dudes. They could have used 10 people easy. These guys had to be on Valium, how else could they even pretend to cope. They were the picture of calm and tranquility while a horde of people stared at them with undisguised hatred. After an hour and 15 minutes my number was finally called. I went to the counter and told them my needs he says ok sit down and well will call you. OK what could I do, so I went to sit back down but of course someone has taken my seat, starting to get a little riled but I take it and find another seat. 10 minutes and they call my name I go up and they say I need to take a test to get the license - fine, I haven't studied the book but I take the test and sit down. I am pretty impatient and blow through the test without really reading it. It says you can miss six, so I feel confident and stick the test in a basket on the counter where it gets ignored for about another 10 minutes, finally a guy grabs and grades and call my name, I walk up and he says you passed (yippee) but you missed three do you want to look at them- no. You don't want to see the ones you missed? No. He doesn't like it but something in my eye prompts him to let it go. He says sit down and I will call you, another 10 or 15 and they call me to sign my name and get a picture taken. Sit down they say, another few minutes. I can see the machine that is processing the license and my card plops out, but one guy is on the phone and the other is talking to some people and so I have to sit there like an impotent jerk until another 10 minutes go by, finally one of them hands me the prized piece of plastic. I dont say a word for fear of my head exploding or the bare handed pummeling that I would not have been able to supress. I take the license and walk out with the envied looks of the doomed crowd still waiting, I would have felt a little smug but I had been emotionally buggered and had nothing left. Alone at last in my truck I cried a little and hugged myself and told myself that it was over and I was going to be OK. Next I went looking for a bar so I could chug-a-lug a liter of tequila but it was still 11:00 am and nothing was open so I went home. A couple days later I was feeling better.